Many people fantasize about the joys, trials, and tribulations that come along with marriage before ever tieing the knot, but the relationship with their in-laws is something they tend to put aside at times. Try checking if they truly bring a negative influence on your life, always pushy and a little too involved, because truth be told, your in-laws can be toxic.
Personally, I think that relationships with your in-laws can be a little tricky especially because the dynamics vary. Some families accept new spouses into their circles with open arms, while others completely view them as a threat. Someone who is there to steal their beloved son or daughter away or the family properties. Have you ever come across an obnoxiously clingy father who doesn’t want to let her “baby girl” go? It really sucks!
If you’re one of those people who gets along swimmingly with your in-laws, Count yourself lucky. There are plenty of people out there who have more tense and complicated relationships with their in-laws, undoubtedly causing a few issues around family gatherings.
Note that there isn’t a big difference between being toxic and just having different views and opinions. There are seven signs to notice that your in-laws are indeed a harmful influence on your life and ways on how you can handle them. Faking sick every Christmas shouldn’t be an option, you too need to have fun and celebrate it happily.
1.They Intentionally Make You Feel Bad And Unwanted
Although they are adults, some in-laws may just hate you for no reason and intentionally do or say hurtful things so as to get under your skin instead of acting like grown-ups. Unfortunately, just because they’re adults doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be grown-ups about it. Instead, they’ll say and do things to hurt you and intentionally hurt your feelings.
What to do: Unfortunately, your best way out here is to limit your interactions with your in-laws. You could attempt to explain to your in-laws that their words and actions hurt your feelings but it’s possible they will think of you as overly sensitive.
2.They Always Disrespect Your Space
There is that habit especially in mothers-in-law of dropping at your house unexpectedly. Your father-in-law on the other hand is insisting on spending every Friday evening with your significant other at the gun range even though you’re not so into shooting or maybe it’s always some alone time for you and your partner. In-laws that disrespect your space as a couple can definitely complicate things in a relationship.
What to do: Telling somebody to stop coming around so much without seeming rude and harsh is quite as hard as a pop-up math quiz. But if they truly are imposing on you and your partner’s space, it’s advisable to straight away explain that, even though you love spending time with them, it’s important for you and your partner to have time alone as well. “Soften the blow by coordinating a set date for every week or month, when you can all spend time together as a family happily.”
3.They Tend To Treat You Like a Child.
As adults, we sometimes just want to be treated like a kid again. Someone else cooking our meals or doing our laundry. But if your in-laws also have the upper hand in making big decisions for you and your partner, then things aren’t going on well in your relationship and marriage.
What to do: As soon as you see your mother or father-in-law starting to interact with you as if you’re still in diapers, draw the line and state that you appreciate them, but some things you should be doing with your spouse only. Not them. After a few times of standing up for yourself, they should start to back off a bit and stop taking you for granted. Especially if for example, you’re in a relationship with a partner with a rich background while you come from a poor homestead.
4 They Gossip About You While You’re not There
We all have seen those in-laws that are always badmouthing you to anyone who will listen. They’ll gossip about you to other family members, friends, neighbors, and even their drivers which is frustrating and downright childish.
What to do: First inform your in-laws that you’re aware of the things they’ve been saying about you. Let them make you understand why you deserve that disrespect. If you’ve indeed done something to upset them, they should come directly to you and settle the problem not blanketing the world with gossip and rumors.
5.They Include Themselves in Your Decisions And Plans As a Couple
There are those in-laws that are a little too pushy and involved but in a loving and endearing way too. It’s a little annoying, but it’s detrimental. However, there is this bunch of in-laws who are always involving themselves in your decisions as if their opinions should carry just as much weight as yours, those are completely toxic in-laws, and stay cautious as much as possible. Whether you’re discussing which home to purchase or when you should start having children or what car to buy, your in-laws should contribute less than two percent in your decision-making process.
What to do: To deal with this situation in a more direct way, you and your partner should explain to your in-laws that, while you value their thoughts and opinions, this is a decision you just have to make as a couple. You may also try and maintain some peace, simply nod your head and smile while they share their view on the matter then make your own decisions anyway with your partner.
6.They Try to Cause Conflict Between You and Your Partner
When you notice that your in-laws are turning everything into a horrible game of “he said, “now that it’s a solid sign they’re bringing some negativity into your significant other. Not handling this at an early stage can cause some major and unnecessary confusion between the two of you.
What to do: All you need is for you and your partner to unite as a couple. Unfortunately, you can’t control what your in-laws say. But, you can control how you react to those things. Make sure you avoid flying off the handle until you hear what your partner says about the situation.
7.They Always Freezes You Out
There are all sorts of terrible in-laws out there. But, the ones who behave as if you don’t actually exist have to be among the worst. They talk about you as if you arent there, pass through you at family gatherings as if they don’t know you. They completely ignore you. It’s better if someone was blatantly rude, rather than treating you as if you are totally a nonexistent ghost.
What to do: When you decide to have a one-on-one conversation with your in-laws, it will be difficult for them to ignore you when it’s just you in front of them. If nothing improves after that conversation, simply explain that you won’t be coming around as much anymore because there is no point in dedicating your time to being ignored and mistreated. Let them know it hurts a lot.
Those are just a few harsh signs you might notice in your in-laws who at times tend to even deny you food or shelter. Handling this kind of people is quite a challenge and tricky but if you’re in this kind of situation and no change is occurring, take your kids and leave that toxic relationship before it messes you up later on.