Apart from keeping things civil and trying to support each other, ensuring that your kids understand and cope with divorce is very important. Divorce isn’t a pretty step to take. It’s always a bad thing for kids who end up being in the middle of all the drama and issues brought up by the divorce. However you can make it easier for them.
There’s an African saying that goes “When two bulls are fighting, the grass is always hurt.” Parents fighting may affect innocent kids. It may also lead to kids getting into depression because of thinking they’re the cause of that divorce.
A broken marriage is tough on both parties because it’s one of the most devastating life experiences we can go through. That said you need to think of the children above all else and find the perfect way on how you can make a divorce easier on them. Here are 10 tips to guide and help enhance better understanding for your kids.
Show(and tell) Them How Much You Love Them
Ensure that you demonstrate to your kids how much you still love them even after what has happened. Show them through words and actions that nothing has changed, your affection to them is still strong. If they need to play with their friends, stay in their bedrooms during homework or asking to talk to the other partner more often, let them do it. Try to avoid showing them there’s a change especially because they are still trying to comprehend what’s happening around them.
Try to make Minimal Changes
It’s obvious that a breakup in a family ends up in changes like moving houses, getting familiar with another house or apartment, and, of course, living without both of your parents as used to. If possible, make very minimal changes to the rest of the child’s routine, such as school pick-ups and drop-offs, after-school activities, sports and family meals like dinner. It doesn’t matter if it will only be with one parent. If you went bowling every Friday, don’t change it. Do it. If it’s movie night on Saturday, do it. Just try to evade those changes as much as possible.
Say Good Things About The Other Partner
I know this may be hard for you, but for your child’s sake, try as much as possible to say positive things about your ex. Avoid showing them the negativity of the other person because they will see both of you as terrible parents. if you “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.’ Use this saying if it’s hard to talk good about your ex.
Don’t Try To Out-Buy Their Love
Being the most common thing to happen to kids after their parent’s divorce is the urge for their parents to influence them to love them and give them everything they want. Buying toys, trips, ice-cream daily, dinner, show tickets among other things just to make your kid love you more is toxic. It may end up making your child despise their mother or father. Be careful, spend time with your children without trying to buy their love. It will end up messing everything up.
Sack It Up For Special Events
Although your relationship is sour with your ex, try as much as possible to sack it up! Especially when it comes to social things that concern the kids mostly like birthdays, special occasions awards and even graduation. This might be hard but do it for the kid’s sake, please. It’s very important to them.
Don’t Blame The Kids
Don’t! I repeat! Don’t show your kids that the divorce has been brought by them. Don’t let them see that the divorce is their fault, instead show them, love. Assure them that whatever happened, it doesn’t make you love or care less about them. Explain to them that you used to be in love but now that love isn’t there anymore, it has nothing to do with them.
Support Each Other
Yes, you are not in love with each other anymore, it doesn’t mean that since you’re divorced you can’t support your partner. These steps help the kids who are always left in the middle and need support from both parents. There are many tactics you can use to ensure that co-parenting happens smoothly.
Stay Civil With One Another
When divorced, you might secretly look at your ex and want to… well, that’s not healthy. Even if feelings may run high, your child doesn’t need to know that. If it’s hard for you to be friendly, you should at least need to be civil.
Still Carve Out ‘Family’ Time Once In A While
I know spending one or two hours with your ex feels like torture but my advice to you is, try to look for time and spend as a family. Even if it’s one day of the month, make sure you link up as a family and play family games, have family dinners or even go for family trips maybe to the park. This helps the kids’ note that the divorce is civil and healthy, keeping them comfortable and able to cope up with the breakup.
Don’t Argue In Front Of The Kids
Nothing makes your kids more sad and guilty like seeing their parents arguing. It makes them feel like they’re at fault and may be unable to show their full potential in school and home too. This affects many kids especially after the divorce, many grow up being so violent due to what their parents used to do before the divorce. It’s essential that when you want to argue with one another around the kids, keep it inside until they’re asleep or not around. Speak your minds out without involving their ears and eyes.
Love is a beautiful thing but if taken for granted, may end up in divorce, deaths and other horrible love crimes. Many children have been left hungry, depressed and suicidal due to some of these horrible breakups in marriages and all I beg parents reading this to please! Find a way to settle issues at an early stage before it leads to that extent of divorce especially if you have children.