Our sex life was great before the babies came. The energy was there, the time, the interest, and the sparks! Oh my goodness! Think of any sex position, we tried it. At some point I remember asking my wife, “Is sex the only thing we think of? Are we having too much sex?” Her response was a smile and what followed was more and more sex. To our surprise, all this changed when our first born arrived. Here’s how it changed, and probably will for you as well when the babies start popping.
She needed time to heal.
Rachel’s delivery was a normal birth but she experienced a huge tear. That meant, the healing process would take longer, and it did. Secondly, she was hit by postpartum stress. She was thus unable to even think about sex let alone engage in it.
Giving birth is a difficult and painful process as the woman undergoes both physical and psychological changes. Depending on the type of delivery, the healing process may take six weeks or more for normal delivery and 8 weeks for C-section. This however does not mean that your lady will be ready for any sexual contact. If anything, you should be ready to wait for a longer time depending on her psychological well-being which sometimes takes up to two years. (Yes, two!)
Fatigue and exhaustion
I will be honest with you, nobody prepares you for the kind of work that a baby brings. This little angels feed around the clock. I remember getting so exhausted that I nearly dropped the baby as I dozed off. My wife was not better either because she was experiencing double the exhaustion. The baby will cry if they are wet, cry when they are bored, cry when they are uncomfortable, and definitely cry when they are hungry- which is all the time! You will constantly be on the look out to make sure that all these needs are met, leaving you too tired to think about sex.
I can’t even count the number of visitors we got when our babies arrived. Our house was always full of relatives and friends who would come to see the baby. They didn’t know it, but they denied us the opportunity to be intimate. I’m sure this will be the scenario for you as well unless you set it straight from the beginning that you shall excuse yourselves for some time alone. Your bundle of joy will not be yours alone. Many will want to celebrate with you and in the process deny you some valuable sex time. Woe unto you if you get relatives to stay with you during that period and your house is not as spacious.
She will be no longer as sexy as she was before the pregnancy, but acquires a new sexy.
The Rachel I knew before the pregnancy and childbirth was petite and nicely lean. Her face was long and thin. However the one that I was now seeing was the total opposite (not that she was not beautiful). Her mind and body had undergone and witnessed numerous changes. Her breasts were constantly oozing milk. There was little to no time for bathing and therefore it was not strange to find her reeking of a mixture of sweat and breast milk. This is definitely not as sexy, but it can be if you work around it. Therefore, be aware, your once lean wife will suddenly balloon as her body nourishes a new human being. She will no longer be as sexy as you knew, but this is where you step up with the compliments, encourage the baths, help her change her leaked clothes and touch her where she wants.
All attention may shift to the baby
Nothing makes a man jealous and feel a sense of abandonment like a newborn. I experienced this to the core. Sometimes I wondered if I was even useful. Yes the baby is born but your sexual needs and desires do not go with it. You are still a man! All of Rachel’s attention and time was directed towards the baby. It was always, “Baby this, baby that” or “I wish I could do for you this, but the baby…” Be prepared for this. You will feel like your relationship is breaking apart. Many relationships actually don’t survive this phase. Simply remember it is a maternal response that will fade away within no time. Find something else to do and better yet, get involved in the baby work too. Change the diaper, cuddle with baby, rock them to sleep or fix their bottle. You will not feel too left out.
Her hormones will fight against you
This is one of the things that any man will tell you they fear the most about pregnancy and childbirth. You see, pregnancy comes with such a myriad of hormones that even the woman fails to understand herself. These hormones affect the normal functioning of the woman’s body and moods. One moment they are happy, the next it’s extreme sadness. One minute they want a huge piece of burger the next they think that’s the unhealthiest thing they will ever have to eat. These mood swings will constantly be unpredictable, making your life somewhat tougher than usual! You will feel like your life is falling apart, and even wonder what the hell you got yourself into. Stay focused and remember, it’s not her fault and that it will pass. Be keen to see the signs of the baby blues (which is extreme crying or emotion for the first few days after birth) or postpartum depression which extends for long and needs medical attention.
It is obvious and certain that your sex life will no longer be the same, but it’s not the end. Things will eventually come back to their usual self. It will take time, patience and a lot of grace especially from YOU. Remember, every woman is different and heals differently. Communicate with your partner about how they feel and how you feel so as to ease the building sexual tension. Good luck!